D-ARRANGED MARRIAGE

DISCLAIMER: This blog gives no guarantee of instilling  your faith into marriage. It might make you, want to deactivate your matrimonial profiles. The author is not to be blamed for defaming a person living or probably dead. The characters and role plays are completely non fictitious and bear strong resemblance to author's life.

Why do people opt for arranged marriage?? A failed past relationship, lack of interest in the dating game, parental pressure, no luck so far, a scratch card to a 'better post paid plan' or plain curiousness to unfold the mysteriousness of it all. Luck favors the Brave! (not necessarily in this scenario).

So, as most of my friends are busy, either posting their wedding pictures or doing post maternal shopping, I tend to gel more with the still confused singles lot. Most of them are sailing in the same boat, vagrant on the path of finding the true match through arranged means, till the biological clock is ticking and loud. Whatsoever, we never fall short of interesting banter around this topic.

Case I

Shankar is a tamilian by culture and punjabi by nature. He has always been in relationships with jaws dropping, drop dead gorgeous women. Unfortunately, none worked out in the long run and now, he has decided to find arranged love, even if its from the suburbs of Tamil Nadu. One fine day, I inquire how was the bride hunt going so far. He answers with utter dejection.

Shankar: "Whom do you think was the worst looking lady in the organization we worked in"?

Me: "Ummm....I guess Sheila (name changed as I wish to live some more). BTW, she resembled Tun tun in all aspects."

Shankar: "Well, Sheila looks better than the best proposal I have received till date. I just asked the girl once  on the first meeting, what are your likes and dislikes, and you know what she said?? "I dont like shorts". I even tried to placate her, that I am fine with whatever she is comfortable with. She replies curtly,
"Not for me, for YOU". 

Obviously, Shankar kick started his bike in no time and rode away to sanity.

(Dreamum, wakapum, crtical conditionum indeed!)

Case II

My friend Archana shared this episode, of the first meeting with a guy (Phoren return) near Forum Mall CCD.

Archana (On call): "We are waiting for you in CCD. Where are you?

Phoren Return: "I am driving my SCODA RAPID, I am near Forum".

Archana : "Okayyyy. You can park there and walk down across the road. Else, you might get stuck in traffic".

Phoren Return: "Well, its not a problem, my SCODA RAPID sails smoothly through traffic".

After an hour

Phoren Return: "Sorry babez, I am late! I am not used to this Indian traffic, you see! In the US, my BMW takes minutes to cut through and reach wherever I want".Holy cow! My Tag-Heuer is 5 mins late.  I forgot to polish my Jimmy Choo in hurry.....bla...bla...bla.."

Archana : "What are your expectations from this marriage?"

Phoren Return: "I dont want anything for myself. Its only for our future. A flat in Bangalore and 35 lakhs cash (FD is optional)".

Needless to say, he had to drive back in his SKODA RAPID with a big "NO".

The apt song playing is his car ..."Mera joota hai japani. ye patloon hai Armani..."

Case III 

Mr XYZ: "Looking at your FB profile, I thought you are an over smart kinda girl".

Me: Thankyou.....Errrr....EXCUSE ME!!!???!!? (Read: Bite Me!)

Mr XYZ: "I want the wedding to happen in Nov or Dec. Winters is a good time for couples"

Me: "What are you talking again??? We have just met a couple of minutes back. Dont you think, its too early to even judge if we are a good match?"

Mr XYZ: "Oh yeah, I just matched our kundalis online on my mobile app and it shows 20/36. We sure are! I guess you like traveling. What do you think about Thailand?"

Me: "Supposedly a good tourist spot. Why?"

Mr XYZ: "We can plan our honeymoon there."

Me: "Whattttttt!!"

Aghast. Stupefied. I ran for my life. Feel sorry for his Thailand debacle though.

Song?? I guess yoga help should be solicited for the honeymoon craver.

Irony of the situation is, no matter how tempting the shaadi ka laddoo is from outside, it always runs a chance of afflicting you with severe diabetes, lifelong at that.

Someday, I shall have this of my own. Marriage business is never going to run out of business. 

                                True that!

How convenient. My eyes have welled up witnessing such thoughtfulness...